The white room

As i took my seat in the white empty room I could not help myself but notice the sheer madness behind the whiteness of the room. White walls, white lamp shades that were aesthetically placed in the lounge. The white leather sofa was impeccable. The room lacked dirt. I must admit, I stuck out sore with my black Tee shirt that read out AC/DC. Once a metal head, always a metal head.

I took my seat on one of the recliners. I neatly placed my right leg over my left. I rested back against the cushions. Laid back, relaxed I let my eyes loiter wild against the room. The pictures that hung on the wall were tad little impressive. I could not place the artist. Must have been an cheap replica made to look posh. Art and I share a wonderful relationship. I am clueless about them and they pretend that I dont exist. There was this bottle made of clean clear transparent glass. The water did look pristine. White cups were placed neatly by the bottle. White indeed. Boring and obvious.

I sat by myself trying to recollect why I was here. I could really not place where I was. Was I here on business? Was I here to meet a friend. I had a silent lol at that thought. None of my friends would OCD out for that kind of a white room. If they did, they’d definitely not invite me over. I focused my thoughts towards the why’s of my current predicament. My thoughts were interrupted by this sweet soft voice. It was a lady’s voice. Boy did she look gorgeous.

Dressed in sky blue and white, she had this composed elegance about her. There was no visible signs of a rush in her voice. She pronounced every word soft ,slow and calm. I found her voice very appealing. I was a little smitten too. Who in their right mind wouldn’t be. Did I keep you waiting ? , she had enquired. I realized that I sat admiring her voice and seeking out the source of that voice. I had admired it so much that I dint bother summoning an apt response of my own. Typical rookie mistake. That’s ok, I replied.

Fantastic. So What do I call you? Karthik? or would you prefer Katz, she asked.
The name is Karthik I said. Friends call me Katz. Whatever you fancy…
Cool, Karthik it is then, she continued.

There was this brief moment of silence. I’d not call it an awkward silence. It was a moment in time that we book took to have a clearer look at each other. I was checking her out, and so was she. I decided to break that silence.

So.. I paused, What do I get to call you?

I waited for her name, but nothing .

Have you been waiting here long? she asked

Naah, thats ok. I’m sure it was not long. Really a white room. Looks nice.

She remained immune to my compliments. I guess thats part of her job. A girl that pretty, I’m sure she’s used to compliments like fishes are used to swimming. That’s it, I decided. I was done paying dumb compliments.

Why am I here? I blurted. That question was something I really was interested in getting answered.

Right, here. That is a complicated question Mr Katz. There is no easy way of explaining it.

Take you time darling. I mean, I’m here. You are easy on the eye. All i have is time, I smiled.

Yeah, I bet the cheesy line worked. She relented and smiled a little.

Alright. There is no easy way to say this. I’m going to cut to the chase and get to the point. she paused.

And the point being????? I asked

I’m God. The whole big G. Alpha, omnipresent and stuff. You are here because your time is here.

God? hmmm.. so I’ve been right all along? God is a woman!!!! I mean, you are a lady???

She smiled her cute smile. Yes. I’m a woman. Most of the world thinks I’m a guy. I dont blame them. They are entitled to their moment of surprise.

So, does this mean I’m dead?

Afraid so. I’m sorry kiddo…

Nah, dont be. Its just that.. you know.. I thought death would be dramatic. What a buzz kill. I’m dead and I dint even realize I was dead. I dont even remember dying? Was it a simple peaceful death?

Do you want to know?????

What difference does it make. I’m dead. I’m here now aren’t I?

Yup. Thats the agenda. You are here. Dead and all here.

What’s here. What’s next?

Lets get to that in a while. So dont you have any questions to me Mr Katz? I’m god remember!!! You’ve cribbed so much about me over the years. I’m sure you have a billion questions.

Yeah,, still not got my mind around the fact that I’m in a white room, trying to hit on god!!!!! I had a million questions for you. But i guess I’ll save myself some time and make it simple. Why?

Why.. interesting. Why , oh why indeed. Coz it made you stronger.

ha ha ha ha, thats bull crap pile. You gave me rivers of tears to make me stronger? Stronger for what?

For this moment Mr Katz. This very moment.

All those tears, all that pain, all that ‘Character building’ , all that strength for a conversation in this white room? God and all is ok, but kinda lame you know!!!!

Its slightly a little more than that. Your life right, is not just one life time of sorts. Its a sum total of all your lives. Some you ace yourself, some you fizz out without a whimper. Imagine it like a massive very massive buffet. One plate is not big enough for you to load up on all the foods across the counters. You take your pick. You try your favorites first. Then you return for seconds. If you are adventurous, you explore. If you are not, you linger on to the ones that you like. There is only one single rule you know. One has to experience it all. Some do it in one sitting, some the whole process takes longer. Some need a friend to explore stranger newer foods, some need that push. Some refuse to try.. and so the life cycles keep changing from person to person. Everybody out there determines the direction of where their life heads.

hmmmm… so I’ve been to a super buffet of my soul. ahhh, ok.. so how does here fit in??

Excellent question indeed Mr Katz. At the end of that buffet is this room. We both get to talk. I tell you whats next. You decided if you want to go ahead.

I get a choice in what’s next?

Yup. Free will. Its your call.

hmmm.. what are my options

Option A : you merge with me. you are, all of you are fragments of me. some of you return back. Remember the matrix… I saw it, i was floored. The whole bloody movie was the closest to the truth that you humans got. No machines, no Agent Smith, no jaw dropping visual effects and epic fights. You become one with me. You exist as me.

And what’s option B ?

Option B: you kick start the cycle of births and existence again. Of course , the minute you step out of this room, you wont remember any of it. You are on your own again. Your life, your choices, you decide your iterations. If you see it all, feel it all again, maybe we will meet again, same place , same me only in at a different time.

hmmmm.. Option A, I’m part of you. Option B, I get to gamble on lives again. Have I been here before?

Yeah, I’m not going to answer that question Mr Katz

He He he, rookie bummer God. I think I’ve been here before and refused to merge.

She smiled once again.

I see her smile. You know God, I cant understand this bit. If i’ve been here, what would have made me choose this cycle all over again? Isn’t a higher calling, nirvana, moksha all about enlightenment. That supreme awakening. That oneness. That ultimate singularity. Why would i refuse that. Why should i refuse that despite making here after so many cycles. What possibly could drive me to opt otherwise? What is left in the world that would lure me back to illusions. What is out there that is greater than this singularity. I mean, dont wise folks aim for this. I’ve made it this far, it does not make any sense.

Very true. But this is not about what makes sense, or what is right or wrong. This is about what you want. what you choose. What ever you choose, is what is to come next.

hmmmmm.. So this merge, what happens to me?

How do you mean Katz?

What happens to me, as in, what part of me do i retain. What part of my lives do i retain? Will it be me? will it be you as a part of me, or is it just a part of you joining you.

ha ha ha ha dint expect you to ask this!!!! Thats the ultimate truth irrespective of how far one chooses to run from it. It would be a part of me that joins a bigger part of me.

And that means, I fully realize that I , as I never really did exist. I have been you all the while. And I get to be be you once again.

Yup. That sums it perfectly. Kill joy for narcissism huh. There is no I in this world Mr Katz.

I’m going to need a minute girl. Its probably the biggest choice of my collective existence. Rather, its probably the biggest choice of your existence as me. May I think it over please?

Of course. Take your time. Push this buzzer once you’ve made a choice.

She walked away handing me a buzzer. I sat by the recliner watching her go. Perfect, I reminded myself. Each time a lady walks away, she leaves behind a ache to worry about!!!!! Typical, I lol in my head.

The big Q huh. Singularity. I do think it would be super cool to reach that. Oneness with the vast universe. One thought, one collective existence, no more cycles, no pains, no tears, no misery, no petty wins, no petty loses. In fact no nothing. All the thoughts about nothing took me towards memories of a life I once lived. I would never ever experience that feeling of fear. That heart flutter when I meet someone for the very first time. That restless anxiety when i fall in love. That anger over a defeat. that determination to fight back. That hunger to be someone. Those tears that kept me weak as a human. Those smiles that reminded me that there was a better day tomorrow. All said and done, was an higher existence worth sacrificing the daily toils of a living?

I knew what had to be done.

I hit the buzzer. She opened the door and walked in with a smile.

I wore a warm wide smile. I hugged her for the first time. I looked straight into her eyes.



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