Thank you so much for visiting me last night. I did love and enjoy your company. After god knows how long, I spread my arms, looked at the sky and let myself lose myself to the moment. It felt refreshing. I have you to thank for. Bless you mate. Bless you a lot.
Like most first time memories, the memory I have of yours is a warm one. I still remember that day. I was holding on to my dad’s index finger. He told me all about you. He said you were made of water from the seas, rivers and the pond. He spoke of the water cycle. I wasn’t interested back then. It still loved listening to him. He said it with so much sincerity and conviction. I loved the moment that I got to spend with my dad. You were almost like my first love. Besides my parents and my dog. Yeah, you were almost my first love.
I remember that day. I was the apple of my dad’s eyes. His eyes, when they saw my spin around under your cheerful blanket, were filled with pride. I was his greatest accomplishment. I was his precious and the most favourite person in the world. I guess that day he loved me more than he had ever loved anybody else before.
You and I have had a wonderful relationship. I remember my first day at school. I remember that one time when I played with you and came home drenched and wet. There was so much love and care and concern in the house. The entire household worried about my well being. Even little Twinkle(my dog , he too loves you , you know) wagged his tail out of love and concern. The house tried to keep me warm. I felt cherished. I was the princess of the castle and the princess was well protected.
As I grew, our bond grew stronger. I’ve never despised you. I’ve never held you responsible for the many nights I’ve struggled with fever or the nights I stayed wide awake coughing and disrupting peace across the entire neighbourhood. Such is the nature of our bond. As I grew, I realized what I should have realized a long while ago. You and I, we are the same. We are not very different from each other.
There are days when the world yearns for you with longing eyes. Pockets of the world prays so that you grace them with your presence. You come and come plenty, your love is taken for granted and the same mouths that prayed for your, starts to taunt you and belittle you. The love from its heart evaporates and all that’s left behind is contempt and disgust.
I was like that too. An apple of many a eyes at one point. The world cheered for me to grow independent and strong. It praised my thoughts, it wooed my dreams and ambitions. It didn’t mind telling me that its care was smoke screen. A screen made of care, but smoke nonetheless. With each step towards my independence, with each inch towards my dreams, the world steepened the price I had to pay for living the life the way I saw fit.
And just like that, I had become a burden to my house. Gone away, those cherished thoughts of their care and concern. I’m old enough to know the difference between care and pain. I pain them. My choices pain them. My direction pains them. What pains me the most is the fact that the house remains oblivious to my pains. I did what was asked of me. I picked a life that I thought was worth living. I wasn’t smart enough to draw boundaries vetted by obligated expectations of the confining walls of care.
I stopped spinning under your loving eyes. Remember the first time I spun and danced with you. It was a time when I didn’t not know the existence of the word worries. Today, after so many years, I’ve finally found the time to spin under your mesmerizing gaze once again. But there is a difference. my heart now knows of the worries of the world. I struggle to keep myself away from worries, and there are far too many struggles about which I’ve stopped worrying. In this regard, you and I are so much alike.
Go on my friend. Do you thing. Pour yourself out without a single care for what others think. Pour your heart out when you feel like it. I’ll watch you, surround myself with you from a far distance. I’ll sleep with the assurance that I’m not alone, for as long as you are around, I’ll never be alone. You too. As long as I’m around, you will have my undivided undisputed acceptance for whatever you choose to be.
Go on. Do your thing. Let me go and find my courage to be what that I choose to be.
You know me.. I’m everybody, and I’m nobody