The date and time was set a month ago. A month long wait which only meant butterflies the size of elephants doing the fandango in my stomach. You know what they say about the wait right? If life doesn’t kill you fast enough, that wait just might!
It was a small affair. It was always going to be a small family sized affair. I for one hated crowds. She didn’t fancy them either. It was one of the billion odd things which were common between the two of us. Her side of the family sat behind me, by my right. My family quietly occupied the place behind my left. The moment had arrived. We all stood.
I sneaked a glance towards her. She looked gorgeous. She had always been gorgeous. I smiled. She was way too nervous to acknowledge it. Butterflies I guess. Aint we all plagued by it? Just like me, there she stood lost with probably a million thoughts wandering inside her head. I guess it happens. It’s meant to. This was it.
We had never been too fussy about dressing ourselves up for occasions. This was our day, we chose to not get bogged down by societal obligations of dressing up to look exceptionally palatable to the eyes. Well, for her it was hardly a struggle. Gorgeous remember! 🙂 I was in my Friday casuals. Almost. A pair of jeans, clean and washed!!!!! Denim shirt. I was in blue. I was in complete contrast to her white. Small affairs are never that huge an excuse to go nuts over expensive clothes. I did say clean and washed right? Yeah, that was the best that I was ever going to do.
The nervousness thinned down quickly. I stood thinking about how it all started. It was rather silly, now that I was wondering about it. The last day of high school. The big graduation day. All those years of stalking her from a very safe distance, sneaking glances, hoping to annoy her enough passively that she’d grow frustrated and decide to talk me off those dumb deeds. None of that materialized. I was oblivious to her world. There were those wonderful rare moments when our eyes would meet across the class. Those few moments when I’d clown about and she’d slyly laugh at my shenanigans. She tolerated. Which was good. It told me that she dint hate me enough to breed disgust in her mind. That was always good.
The raw courage came when the moment arrived. In my head it was more of a now or never kind of a deal. I mustered the courage and all I could utter were imbecile abysmal lines of the song by Cat steven’s Wild world.
“If you wanna leave, take good care, I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear, But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there”
“That’s it? All these years of being an insufferable pain, that’s all you have to say?????!!!!! Oh god, why did I even bother!” , was all she said.
Funny. I hit her with a cat stevens, and she hit me back with a little bit of the beatles. I say goodbye and she said hello 🙂
Anyways. Things got better after that. The whole career thing. The whole chase your dreams thing. In short, life was taking shape. Life happened. Its good. I wont complain. It’s been a wonderful ride.
The two of us could never really shut up. We were never at any loss of words. We spoke a lot. We spoke a whole lifetime worth of words. From the nature of the world to how depressing rich folk’s demeanour was when they were ultra snobbish about their fancy BMWs. We were a great team when it came to judging others. We were two folks destined to hell because of our mutual love for being condescending.
We spoke of a life that was to come. We spoke of building a house. We had even identified the bits and bolts of furniture to keep that house from looking empty. Things were good. Yeah, things were good.
The mic buzzed. The hissing sound from the PA system yanked me away from my sudden nostalgia. Oh good lord, the voice went on and on. That’s like the worst part of any ceremony if you ask me. I strained to pay attention to what was being said. I tried. I take no shame in the fact that I gave up. It was such a droning flat voice that lacked any form of humanlike intonation.
The voice paused.
THIS WAS IT.
There was this small, very small window of opportunity. I quickly glanced at her. Still standing gorgeous. Her head bent down, she was probably bored at the voice too. She lifted her head, turned back to look at her mom’s face. Sad, sullen. Yeah, I don’t blame her mother. She never really did like me. Then she turned to face me.
We both locked our gaze. My limbs went numb. The noise around drowned.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU…. the voice articulated.
I took a deep breath. Ah crap. this was it.
Your are now officially separated.
I pushed the chair back softly. I walked out with a heavy heart. Life. Damn it.
I didn’t have the strength left to turn back.