There was a compelling silence in the room. He was a man who was now reduced to tears. He was no longer the stereotyped image of a man. He was not the epitome of masculinity. His tears robbed him the pride and dignity of being a man.
In front of her , all that she could see was an image of a man breaking down. The overwhelming moment found her shaking where she stood.
“Please don’t leave me and go”, he begged again.
Do you remember the time we met? Was it all a lie? Does our history mean nothing to you? He asked.
The two had first met in the big city. They were young. They were lost. They were yet to face the shades of the world that surrounded them. Together they fought their odds. They were in love. It was a time when love was as sweet as sweetness could be. The two found comfort in each other. They complemented and completed each other. The two put a brave face and marched into a brave new world.
Their parents were against their union. He left all that once belonged to him for her. She left her world back for him. The two started a fairy tale of a dream together. It was a summer of magic and miracles.
She was an angel. He could never bring himself to stop loving her. He tried hard to be a provider that she deserved. He worked and slogged for that extra buck. He had once promised her the world and that promise was his pursuit in life. She , of course , was a worker bee herself too. They both found success in their career early on.
As they both grew older together, their world had also grown around them. Responsibilities piled up and life’s priorities changed. She never changed. He never changed. They both were inseparable lovers.
They were not a special couple to the way of the world. They had their differences. They had their insecurities at play. He wished he could earn better than her. He wished that he could live up to his promise of giving her the world. Not that it was a race, but he had managed to fall short. It’s cruel that there are days when our best is still not good enough for the world. The pain nested in his heart. He endured. He fought for her.
The stress and strains of a career was having a toll on her too. As her work expanded, her working hours expanded. Her days would start as early as the sun and would end a few hours before the moon would call it a night. The long hours were hard on her both physically and emotionally. With each day passing, it was a battle that she was slowly giving up on. She knew she deserved a better life. Love was blind. Not that she’d complain, but it was a thought that burdened her. Love versus Life, she’d often ponder. The very thought would bring a smile on her face at times.
Through the challenges of life, the two lovers endured.
“Don’t you love me anymore?” , he asked her pitifully. Were your words mere lies? Is this what we fought for so long? It’s perfect that you want to throw away the last two years of our life and walk away?
The tone of his voice swayed again. The cycle of a broken heart was at play. The cycle always started with denial. Then it was the turn for anger to seep in. Then would come the guilt. The last leg of the cycle was usually frustration and dash of regret and remorse. Denial would kick in again and the cycle would go on to repeat itself.
His tone swayed towards anger. His submissive demeanor was soon fading away.
She said nothing in response. She stood in stark silence. The coldness in her heart possibly knew no bounds.
Tears once again flowed rivers in his eyes. He gasped for a breath. Words no longer flowed effortlessly for him. He couldn’t help but stutter on his words.
“Is it because I’ve still not lived up to my promise of being there for you financially? ” I know we both agreed that you could quit as soon as I made enough for both of us. I tried. This house, the car. I thought I’d land that deal. Things have been rough at work.
He continued rambling about his failures. Not that it mattered to her anymore. She tried to not dwell too much into his current plight. She was tired of telling him that money didn’t matter to her. This was not a new fight that they had. Every now and then, most of their fights would usually land on the question of money and she’d try explaining to him that it didn’t keep them separated. He’d get convinced and the two would go back to being one again.
She still said nothing.
The two were extremely exhausted from the altercation. He didn’t have much strength left to continue standing. The evening had taken a nasty toll on his body. He sat down on the floor. He had gaze locked upon her. He saw her standing motionless. She stood blank. Emotions , or whatever was left of her, had long gone drained away from her face. There weren’t any expressions left on her face.
The two looked at each other in silence for a while. Time had passed. The two had not moved much.
“Fine” he finally declared. Leave. Just leave. Get lost. Stay the hell out of my life. I know you have the hots for your boss. I’ve seen you two together. No wonder you stay back late at work. If all that you ever wanted was an MBA grad, you shouldn’t have wasted your time on a loser like me.
Go, go leave a happy life.
The minute you step out, I’ll slit my wrist and call quits. I can’t deal with this emotional torture anymore.
Once again he broke down.
She stood in silence. She felt torn apart from the inside. She wondered about how her life got to be this way. He was sweet. That’s how he had always been. Tempered yes, but she never saw this ugliness to him before. His angry outbursts were few and far in the beginning. Words became harsher words. Harsher words soon became occasional tight slaps. Things escalated very rapidly from that point on.
She felt torn from the inside. He was the love of her life. He was her life. She no longer saw no future to him. This was not the first time she spoke about wanting a divorce. She knew each time the subject opened up, a nasty fight would break. She had forced herself to be mentally strong to deal with that. This time, things had gotten really nasty. Her jaw hurt. Her lips were busted open. Her eyes had swollen up. It was probably in shock where she bit her tongue. She couldn’t really talk much.
It was not the hurt and the miserable unbearable pain that tormented her. She felt dejected by the blatant betrayal of love. How could this be love, she wondered. Her’s was a heart filled with regret. She felt trapped. She had no where else to go. She had left behind a loving family , a family that had never raised it’s voice against here. She didn’t have the courage to face the stigma of walking away from a husband. She no longer had the strength to endure the forked tongues of a million people. Her only ray of sunshine was that they didn’t have a kid to raise.
Lost in thoughts, lost in life, lost in mind , body and her broken soul, she finally moved. She had found the strength within her to wipe her bloodied tears off.
The time had come for an eternal spring.
Spring is season that represents resurrection. Their life started on a summer, she endured a winter. It was now the time for a spring.
Spring, aka Primavera. Primavera is a FANTASTIC piece by Ludovico Einaudi. This blog completes my Ludovico trilogy.
Primavera, this post, talks about the dark side of love. While the song inspires peace and skillfully inspires a moment of catharsis, I’m putting the heroine of my story through such a catharsis.