This illusion meant nothing at all!!! 

The tile was a word play on the word that I want to write about. This illusion meant nothing at all. Many of us would have woken up to that phrase at some point or the other. Oh the word is here to stay and the word of the day, the word of my thoughts this moment is DISILLUSIONMENT.



The meaning goes something like this : It is a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be.

How did I stumble upon this wonderful word? The credit goes to a little wiki crawl and a movie, whose name I don’t remember now. It started with Malcom X. There was a time when Malcom X believed in something with all his heart and intent and mind. And then this illusion meant nothing at all moment later, he moved on. 

From Malcom X, I saw my heart reach out to this fantastic movie of violence calledAmerican History X. A wonderful tale of all things neo-Nazi, the violence and hate that we breed in our hearts, how traumatised minds are attracted and vulnerable to wolves with a sheep-like voice! The longer I sat with these thoughts, the stronger I could relate things in my life

Yes, I’ve felt that disillusionment a few times. Contrary to popular belief, my blog  story of my life  was not about me having a little beef with my managers. I giggled each time I got a call asking if I was ok. Sarcasm, Storytelling and my integrity all shared a smile that day.


That story, now I can declassify, was about disillusionment. It conveys the wonderful aspect of evolving in life. As we grow, as we see things around us, as we spectate and participate in the changes that go around us, we evolve in that journey. The way we think evolves around people. Our judgement either gets rewarded or we are put in a spot to reassess everything and everybody around us. That is the door that disillusionment opens!

Be it the real life bloke, Malcom X, or the fictional damaged bloke Derek from American History X, they reflect what is life. 

Takes me back to the way of the lamb. We are but lamb seduced by the cold shimmering shining sharp blade of steel

Our innocence and naivety gets rewarded by the crimson of our innocence or the emotional heart. 

Our world gets painted red. Once the shock clears, the surprise wanes off, the horror in that disbelief lifts off , we are left with a simple choice. 

Accept or Pretend. 

Both are extremely hard choices to make. Both question our comfort zone. Both question our experiences and judgement. Both force us to a change that we did not volunteer to. Both will go on to define what we eventually become. 

The more I thought about the disillusionment, things were getting clear. Pretending that nothing had to change, nothing was wrong, disowning the realization and robbing it the credibility that it deserves is a means to delay the decluttering of the mind and lengthen the misery that we so carefully refuse to discard.

Acceptance on the other had , would subject us to pains. It will keep us deserted from the dream of a reality that blanketed us. It would make us feel even more vulnerable. It would test the strength of our value and belief system. Acceptance, once endured and survived, leads to liberation.


Disillusionment. I think it’s like learning to ride the bicycle for the very first time. We will fall. There will be blood (just not rasam waiting in the kitchen), but in time, we will enjoy the freedom and exhilaration of learning to fly on two wheels.


Have you ever felt disillusionment? Have you fallen from grace only to realize that yours was but a false god not worthy of dedicated faith and devotion. Real life is all about such disillusions. A lot that we hold precious, unless put to tests, are only illusions followed with a tenacious conviction.


Karthik

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