There she was. Lying on the bed and oblivious of the world around her. I stood close and watched her. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. She rested still. Silence surrounded us. The humming of the machines gently faded away to the overpowering silence that was in the room. It was a twist of fate that cast us into that room of white. I stood watching her.
‘It’s time to leave’, a voice reminded me. I turned back to glance at him.
‘May I have a few minutes with my wife please’, I begged. He nodded his head. I turned towards my sleeping beauty again.
It broke my heart to hear the mechanical sound of her deep breaths. I couldn’t come to terms with what rested on the bed in front of my eyes. The gentle beauty, the grace that she was had vanished. Yet there she was. There I was. I couldn’t take the crushing pain any longer. I couldn’t bear watching her so still, so lifeless. Sadness had gripped me. I struggled to find comforts in tears only to be denied of them. My eyes dry and heart weeping blood, all I could do was watch her from inches away.
Our life together was flashing in my mind. I could see the time we both stood laughing over burnt food in the kitchen. It was the first dinner in our new home. It was the best tasting burnt food ever. We both laughed our way to a peaceful sleep that night.
I remembered our anniversary in darkness. The city had blacked out and we had never bothered with candles. We sat that day in the dark holding our hands together. Her head comfortably resting on my shoulder, we gazed at the beautiful night sky. The moon and the stars had never looked as spectacular as they did that night. I remember resting my head on her head as we spoke about a million pointless things that night.
It ripped me from the inside to watch her inanimate. I couldn’t bear the heaviness that was on my chest anymore. I approached her bed in order to brush her hair gently. I wanted to kiss her forehead and pray for her to be alright again. I wanted to hold her hand and assure her that everything was going to be alright.
I instinctively turned back to check with the bloke if I was allowed that physical contact which I now desperately longed. He shook his head. He didn’t approve of it.
I pulled my hand away from her forehead. So close, and yet so far. I kissed my finger and gently directed it towards the direction of her forehead. I wondered about the lousiest of luck that I was now enduring. I could never hear her beautiful voice again. I could never see that animated lively smile again. I couldn’t feel the softness of her touch. I could never again feel comforted by her presence.
‘I think we should leave now’, his voice interrupted my thoughts.
I didn’t bother moving my eyes away from her. I stepped back still looking at her. I was trying to soak in all the tiny million nuances to what she was. I was busy etching everything about her in my memory. After a few steps backwards, I found myself standing beside the bloke.
‘So , you are an angel right?’, I asked him without looking at him.
‘Yup’, he confirmed.
‘Is she…’, I hesitated. I couldn’t find the courage to complete my words. Whatever bit of courage that was still left in me had given up. ‘Is she going to join us shortly?’ I struggled to complete my question. My voice quivered in pain.
He took a few moments to answer. Maybe he knew and didn’t want to answer. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to answer such questions. His silence left me restless.
‘She’s gonna be fine. It’s going to take her a long while to get back together with you.’ , he finally answered.
Tears trickled from my eyes. Finally. In that moment, all my pain vanished. I finally found comforts in my tears.
‘Thank you’, I said as I peered into his eyes. ‘I think I’m ready to go now’.