Be and beens 

Was a thought and I couldn’t help but ponder a little more over it. If I could recount my life, the last 33 years, I’d broadly reflect upon it through two very specific filters 

1. Has-Been

2. Wanna-BE

These two biases often dictate our state of mind in the present. While we were young, and I do recognize that most of us are still young enough, we were filled with a deep desire to be a Wannabe. I wannabe this, we’d wannabe that, Maybe someday, we’d wannabe that specific something. The pursuit of what we’d want to be would have had a very strong influence on the choices we’d go on to make. 

It’s this pursuit which leaves us with memories in the family album, those rare moments captured on camera, the tales of where we were , doing what we were doing instead of doing something that we’d have rather done. All those thoughts get reconciled as an acceptable barter of time in course of time when we manage to reach the wannabe state that we so fondly cherished and worked extremely hard to attain. 

Wannabe is mostly a young bloke’s game. 

The other side of the spectrum lies the life of a Has been. Welcome to the club of dinosaurs. We are the folks who at times say, been there and done that. We reminisce about the time when we ‘DID that’. Yeah, good times. We had a lot of laughs , we tackled a lot of challenges, we fought, endured and survived. Today, we look back and smile at the fond memories. 

That neatly does sum up the tale of a has been. Has been requires a certain mileage to be covered in order to kick in. 

Not that either states are wrong. I have nothing against either. I’ve been through multiple cycles of staying a wannabe and seeing myself as a has been

The last few days, I’ve been introduced to thoughts and been through conversations which had a profound impact on how we are at present. How we coast through the day juggling the baggage of being a has been and holding on to dreams of being a wannabe. 

One such question that put me on a train of thoughts was along the lines of “Since when did you start loving yourself karthik? When did you realize that you had to respect yourself first in order to gather respect from others ? Are you what you are today because of your choices or did you follow the current of time and that led you here? ” 

I mulled over the thoughts and in time, I came to realize that somewhere along the line, I chose to break away from the cycle of being a has been and staying a wannabe. The thought took me to a wonderful moment in Mumbai where I asked one of the most significant questions that I’ve ever asked ever before!

“Why am I not making new memories? “

Like everything around us, a little balance helps restore sanity in our lives. Being a has been is ample evidence of life lived in full and a resistance to continue living it that way. The limitations could be many, they could be diverse. There is still a reluctance to fight living the live we once enjoyed living. Staying a wannabe is a wonderful reminder that we still have dreams and aspirations plenty. There is a resistance to fight the odds and making things happen. There is still a reluctance to brave and pursue what we really want to pursue. 

I’m not wise, I’m definitely not mature enough to disburse a wealth of wisdom. I strongly feel that when we continue to go with the flow, we make a choice to exist rather than making a choice to live. As long as we exist, our cycle of has been and wannabe continues to live and breathe another day.

I guess the unappreciated truth is that, there is no revisiting the has been state in its entirety. Past is meant to be retold, it’s near impossible to relive it in all its vivid glory in the present. Between then and now, everything has a capacity to change. Even us, we’d have changed. There is no telling that our wannabe state is something that will keep us happy forever. Once we reach that milestone, we shift gears and set out new dreams and aspirations and kick off another cycle of staying a wannabe. Between right now and the time to come, everything has a capacity to change. Even we’d stand a chance to change! 

The states, they both exist and they both really don’t. One cant sustain life on either of these states! 

Our choices and more importantly , our resolute to act upon our choices, helps us swim our way to a destination of our choosing 🙂

Somewhere between the Has been and the wannabe, there rests a wonderful state that I’d like to call, I AM



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