You there God ?



And so I wondered about the connected universe. This world that we share, has its fair share of saints and sinners. Its a world where kids die horrible deaths, mothers shot in their heads, folks die from starvation, drunk celebrities run their cars over innocent bystanders. It is also a world of noble hearts who volunteer their time , money and resources to support good causes. A world of people who’d go the extra mile to spread happiness and warmth. A world of wonderful souls who do their best to make this world a better place. A connected universe indeed and there I am, somewhere lost without an identity. Lost without a cause to hang on to.

One of the questions that I asked today was along the lines of HOW FAIR IS GOD INDEED? A conversation that poked the intent of a god who’d sit by and watch innocent kids suffer and die. Why would god want that? Why would this universe want that? Are there no limits to the cold stoic laws of this universe? Why wouldn’t the universe consider bending it’s dogmatic rules from time to time?

A lot of whys later, I found myself without an answer. 

The longer I mulled at the question, certain things became clearer to me. I remember the nights I’ve cried myself to sleep. Hinged on a prayer. A prayer so close to my heart that it would leave me overwhelmed with emotions which only my tears could deal with. I’d quietly fade away into the night begging for a miracle. The sun came along the next morning. Many a mornings passed that way. The miracle , it never materialized. In time, I learnt to cope up with life without the miracles that I desperately sought. In time, I got used to the disappointment. In time, I started believing in an alternate truth. 

It was a simpler truth. I no longer questioned the existence of god. I had no proof for either possibilities and frankly, I wasn’t even looking for proofs. I made peace with the fact that God might be a bloke sitting away at a distance and she had things to do. I didn’t mind staying absent from her priority list of people to support. This was a liberation of sorts. I no longer kept god a hostage to my childish demands. I tried to get things done with varying results. I never blamed god for the failures. I also refused to share credit for my successes with her. 

So with God being there, why would god allow certain ugliness that happen? I see it in the following ways

  1. God really does not care ?
  2. We don’t really understand the whys of why things happen.

While it is easy to conclude that god doesn’t care, I choose to ignore that possibility because it offers absolutely no further space to explore my thoughts. If god din’t care, it might as well be the same as there is no god to begin with. Why trouble ourselves to fit into a template to buy that acceptance from god? Would god endorse a little bribe to start giving us and our lives a little damn? I find this line of thought argumentative. 

I choose to run along with, We don’t really understand the whys of why things happen. 

A kid’s death is a hard thing to deal with. No question about it. In fact, any violence against humanity, any gruesome battle for health, any challenge that crushes our faith , all of these are the moments in time when we question both God and her methods. 

I guess the flaw rests there. I don’t know if I fully do believe in Karma. I’m liable for all my actions and that’s that. Maybe Karma cascades across lives. Maybe there are no other lives. Either way I see Karma, I will never bring myself to justify a heart wrenching tragedy by slapping on a little Karma to settle the score.

Karma , to me, doesn’t seem to work at that petty a level.

I guess this is where the connected universe comes into play. We are connected, the all of us. Hence, our destinies are connected in a way or the other. A body’s suffering is in place because that suffering holds the key to either Healing people around , or scar people’s faith and beliefs, or leave people with lessons to learn. I’d like to believe that there is a purpose to the event. 

I know it sounds so convenient and so cold. Incidentally, that’s all I think I have. A suffering may or might not arise from Karma. It happens because it’s meant to orchestrate (or) trigger events. 

How should this apply to infants? They aren’t even too old to sin! 

Perfectly valid question. One way to see it is, if the kid grows up, has a taste for life, and then suffers and dies, would it be justified? Death is just as inevitable as Life itself. Just because we find events around life repulsive, sad, depressing, undeserving, cold and cruel, it still doesn’t mean it should have happened. There is a purpose in this universe. I’d like to believe that all actions contribute towards that purpose. I’m not smart enough or awakened enough to understand the purpose. 

I will feel bad about events, I will feel life is unfair. I will feel god sucks and at times behaves in a rather sadistic way. I will crib, cry, whine, complain, and choose to disown god. When that anger vanishes, when the shock subsides, when I’m back to being myself, helpless and a kite in this world of winds, I shall look up to the heavens to help me steer myself to a direction.

I’ll pray for the courage to deal with where I land. 

You there god? Put up with my prayers please. When my tears dry out, I’ll find the strength to deal with life 🙂




3 thoughts on “You there God ?

  1. Death is a strange mystery. Perhaps the only truth. Why something happens or how karma is linked and the existence of a god — real or imaginary are questions on the surface! A child’s death for no mistake of its own is a painful truth. The crisis in war-torn countries, the thousands of children who are born into illness, strife, pain and a doubtful existence, make all of us wonder if a higher power exists! Remember the accident in a school, fire engulfed hundreds of children and they were reduced to corpses. Children get a wrong vaccine or a blood transfusion and getting AIDS!! All cases were human negligence ends a life.

    I can’t say if God exists or doesn’t. For I see him in the wag of the puppy’s tail, the food served with genuine warmth by a roadside vendor, in the care of the doctor who heals, in the wisdom of teachers in school, in the affection of friends and family. The inevitable cannot be changed — in the end — the body perishes and the soul finds freedom.

    Don’t know if I made sense — have a great year ahead as you commence life abroad!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All said, I ain’t a mahatma. Acceptance of body and soul comes easy only when someone I don’t know passes away. When the ones I care for do, touch wood, I will hate God very intensely.


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