It’s been a week and a week of contemplation it has been. The book done, dusted, kissed and cried over, I’m still lost in thoughts over the book. We are talking about the Aleph here!
One of the themes explored in the book is along the lines of Forgiveness. A subject that’s tricky as hell and sometimes I do lock horns with it.
Just so happens that I got a gist of a program that focuses on building a better self. The roots of the program dig deep into our ability to reconcile and power on. Reconciliation is the liberating act of accepting and move on. Acceptance usually comes from keeping the mind wide open, clearing out the veil of smoke of denial and disillusionment to face the mundane reality. With the demons peering into our eyes, slaying them becomes a tad bit easier.
Wonderful choice of words which don’t mean much actually 🙂
There are fewer things other than forgiveness which have the power in them to set us free. The statement outlines my conflicted disposition on the matter. The four and a half hour ride from London to Sheffield was ample enough to keep the motor revving on an otherwise idle mind.
Forgiveness, in the simplest sense, is the ability say ‘It’s ok’. Beyond just stating the words, it also implicitly hints at our ability to believe that ‘It’s all ok’. It signals an acceptance from the depths of our self that we are ok with things. It’s ok. The harder I try to explain this, grander will be my fall. Forgiveness, like most things in this world, is a very personal affair. It’s not the same emotion/sentiment across different people.
That established and my caveat that my definition of forgiveness is as good as or as bad as what others would like to define and defend, we can agree to mutually conclude our differences with the phrase ‘Bite me’.
The focus is not on what it means or stands to represent. I’d like to explore on the whos for the time being. Whose forgiveness is it that we seek?
Live a life that spans a few decades, I’m pretty confident that we’d have managed to offend different folks with varying magnitude of the things that can and most definitely will offend. My dilemma banks on the enormity of the list of people whom we’d have intentionally or unintentionally managed to offend.
Whose forgiveness does really matter to us?
It used to be tricky before. Now a days, I’m in the process of oversimplifying it beyond all norms of social acceptance. I offend you, and the options are quite simple
1. I apologise, you forgive. – > Means i either care or am forced to pretend to offend. therefore also means, either i need that forgiveness or really dont care if it comes or not.
2. I offend and dont bother apologising – > Means I’m either caught unaware of my trespasses or dont care enough to set things right
3. I apologise and you dont forgive – > Means, in my book, I stand on a higher moral ground, but makes me a pompous condescending bloke if I state that. But on a serious note, it’s a sign of misery that the road of redemption leads us through
4. I offend, you dont care, and I apologise and you forgive – > Just signals that both of us have grown up now. The alternate scenario represents that one of us is yet to grow up.
The combinations are lot more than what I thought would be when I opted to try calling out the combinations. I’m going to be a lazy blogger and leave us with the comment, so you see where we are going with this , right? 😉
The underlying constant , yes there seems to be just one, seems to be around the lines of my ability to accept forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gesture that is presented. It may or may not reset the course of history, but in all cases does ensure that the future is safe. Yup, throw in a little conditions apply and say that unless one stops making the same set of mistakes time and over again, that forgiveness is just a word and loses shine real fast .
Back to the dynamics of forgiveness. It seems to be our ability to accept it and acknowledge it. So why indeed would we shift the onus of forgiveness to someone else. Regardless of an offence being taken , if we make an effort to acknowledge our folly and contribution towards that offence, decency mandates that we’d do our best to not repeat the crime.
The simplicity of forgiveness is a neglected , grossly underestimated and is immensely obvious. If we cant bring to forgive ourselves for our trespasses, waiting on others to forgive us is an excuse to place our life on hold. Been there, done that plenty and finally growing wiser (of sorts) .
So yeah, it’s a selfish deed. A deed that one must endure in order to get better at being oneself. When that smoke screen clears, we are left with the only choice that actually does make a difference. Have we forgiven ourselves ? and as Metallica sang, ‘Nothing else matters’