It has always been a big wide world. How could it not be. With a name Thumbalina, my entire world was towering tall. I guess there is no changing the way of the world. I cried a bit for the longest while and then the inevitable happened. I got used to how things were. There wasn’t much that I could do about it anyways.
Things then went from bad to worse. Misled by the promises of a talking toad, I followed his words like a blind fool. How could I not ? His kind words of strong assurances made me feel significant.I couldn’t help but get seduced by his golden flattery. His words were what I had yearned all my life. The sense of feeling valued and important.
I guess I was both short in stature and mind when i trusted the wicked toad. I couldn’t see through his intent. His comforting words kept me oblivious to the nature of my world. Of course, why would anyone want to be good to me for no apparent reason. Now that I look back, it wasn’t all that hard to judge. The cynical world around me should have groomed me to receive all kindness through a biased filter of cynicism.
His words , his sweetened words came at a price. He thought I’d make a wonderful bride for his son. I felt sick upon hearing that proposition. I found it both disgusting and revolting. I was small, yes, but I wasn’t hideous. I wasn’t an object to be claimed for anyone else. The cold dark night was my escape. Under the blanket of darkness, I broke free . Big courage from a small heart indeed. Ironically I felt good about the entire episode. I felt insulted by what had conspired and at the same time, I felt liberated by my choice to walk away and face the wild world.
Rejection followed me everywhere. I was a curiosity wherever I went. The judging eyes of the world were amused by how small I was in this big wide world. I endured it as I had always endured it. I clung on to the one act of standing up for myself against the toad. That was all that I had. It was my greatest achievement. It was not a lot, but yeah, it was all that I apparently had.
Kindness came again in the form of a mouse. Having grown wiser to the ways of the world, I treated his kindness with blind skepticism. My intuition proved itself right. The mouse wanted to play match maker. From a disgusting toad, I was now to be a bride for a disgusting mole. I cursed my fate once again. Little girl in a big bad world. I made a run for it nonetheless. Fortunately, I wasn’t a stranger to running away from my woes. I had been relatively successful at running so far. And so once again, under the cloak of a moonless night , I ran.
I became a wanderer for a while. I lived by myself. I refused to meet the world. Days became weeks and weeks blurred to be months. And Finally I met him. The king of fairyland, a dashing man of valiant and wings. He was just about my height. He was the same as I. Our romance bloomed and once again, I mustered the courage to hope.
All went well and then they didn’t. I needed wings to be with him. His world deemed me unworthy without a pair of shiny wings. He said he could make them for me.
Something in me snapped. Wasn’t I good enough without my wings? Wasn’t I good enough for my height. Was I not me , being the way I was? Would inches to my height make me any different? Did the nature of me, the fabric of me vary with dimensions. Did I mean nothing to this world? People either wanted to accept me for what I was because it suited their wicked plans, or wanted me to be something else because what I was couldn’t meet their expectations. Why wouldn’t the world take me for what I was because it wanted to and not because it had a use for me!
I saw my tears through the droplet of dew on a leaf in front of me.
Heart broken, I refused his wings.
I was Thumbalina once again. Only a lot taller on the inside now.