Wayward wanderer

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I guess I’ll always be that guy. I refuse to pick a side and I will debate for the losing side , always for kicks. There is a conflict waged deep within me. It’s a one for control. While it would have been a lot more fun had the fight been similar to the one that Bruce Banner wages, but unfortunately, my struggle is the one that’s far more sober in comparison. It’s a fight to determine reality.

I am what I am today. It’s been a long road that got me here. For what it’s worth, I’m a storyteller at heart. I see life as how I’d read a novel. I get to pause moments, add drama to establish the seriousness to a moment, I get to emphasize milestones by retelling them as I see fit. I’m an author without boundaries. While words confined to the pages of a book make a lot of sensible sense, when you view the world around as words forming a plot, things get blurry and surreal.

The conflict rests behind simpler principles of defining the coincidences to daily living. Most part of my life, I’ve taken sides with rudimentary conclusions of reality. There are coincidences, nothing is connected, there i no ripple effect to life. In short, the butterfly effect was a good movie despite the lousy reviews. In all honesty, that choice, that life brought me no peace. It kept me frustrated and miserable.

Things changed in time. I had an alternate outlook towards life. What if life was a series of connected events. What if life and entire lifetimes( and I mean multiple lifetimes) could be explained by the simplest way of cause and effect. In short, no life is predestined. It’s just that the causes, the triggers and lynch pins that set events into motion and their consequences and effects were to span across multiple lives? While the idea still is viable under the purview of science, the point of multiple lives is still a question mark.  Which brings us back to the point that I was trying to make. I am a skeptic who believes. I am a believer who is skeptic. I challenge the status quo at all times. I’d rather wing it than accept blind, the words written by the greats.

Most people confuse that with arrogance. I think the anarchist and nonconformist in me help me fortify my faith. Everything that I choose to challenge, if they still continue to hold well, my faith in them becomes unshakable. I’m not swayed by  the swings of fortune. I don’t renounce my faith when I lose. I don’t thank my stars when I win. I win. I lose. It’s all me. Does sound vain. But is it vanity? I refuse to hold anything hostage to my failures except my choices. I think that puts god at peace. I don’t fancy blaming her anymore.

chakras

From a bloke who loved the movie The Matrix, to a bloke who felt massively fascinated by chakras, I’ve sure walked a few roads that were beyond my comprehension. The name is katz and I’m an anthropomorphic cat in many aspects of my life as well. I’m living that lie.  Curiosity got the better of me. I experimented and I experimented unrestrained. Untrained, untrainable, lost and with a zeal for discovery, I let myself loose upon the esoteric universe.

Coincidences have played a vital role. When one starts acknowledging the coincidences to life, that can of worms can not be sealed again. I quickly learnt the way my body swayed to the flux in energies. Heart beats faster during meditations, the more you find yourself travel in your mind, the longer the toll is left to be paid by your body. The chords that one forms on a daily basis in life, goes on to be both the strength and weakness that defines us. The advantage of staying a ronin  ( a student without a master) is that you get to experience it all. I made the rookie mistake of claiming that I ‘Understood’ things. I didn’t. In time, I learnt to slow myself a lot. In time, I tried to remove the mysticism away from the science of souls. In time I realized that everything I thought I knew, were not real and none of that mattered. Left with a satisfied curiosity, that’s all that I really cared about.

Chakra stones. Yes. Conincidences again. I picked them up in a store that I barged in to pick up a fancy quirky gift for my friend. I had picked a pouch of Chakra balancing stones. I didn’t intend to pursue anything spiritual that day. In fact, I didn’t know what to do with them when I picked them. I still don’t.

Things have been different ever since. Better or for worse, I don’t think I’m smart enough to judge that.

The first queston : Was it a case of placebo effect?

With certainty, I’d say no. It’s been a few months since I picked them. I resisted the temptation to write about them for this long. I choose to be a silent observer and record things in my mind instead of rushing to conclusions.

The noticeable difference :

I was a calmer bloke. The need to react slowed down. I felt like I didn’t care enough to take offence to most things. I didn’t feel that burning need to assert myself in any and ever given situation. I felt at peace with myself. Coincidences again. A lot of things worked in my favor. Fun thing about life, they were not the things that I was desperately wishing to be true. Life is not a Telemarketing ad. You don’t buy a deodorant and suddenly become god’s gift to women!

Still things were a good change.

The conundrum :

While placebo effect rests in the strength of one’s faith in pulling through, there is also a positive confirmation and reaffirmation that keeps one winning. So do I feel the change because my chakras feel balanced? or do i feel that change because I want to believe that there is a change and rest of it all is coincidence? The conflict between the skeptic and the believer rages on.

All said, I think, and I personally feel that call it what you may, there is some method to the collective madness that is Chakras. In the purest sense, Chakras are energy centers, and energy can be channelised. If you don’t bank on the universe’s special effects division, then you’d  be amused and surprised at the subtle differences in your behavior when the energies of your chakra behave or misbehave.

Across time, I’ve tinkered a lot with the flow of energy. I’m like a child with a magnifying glass , chasing ant hills and playing godzilla. I don’t know what is the price of all the curiosities, but hey, staying in fear and what’s the bloody point?

I don’t do anything special with my chakras balancing gemstones. I keep them in my pocket. When I feel a wave of negativity build up , I cleanse them in salt water and sunlight. Oh , you know when negativity builds up. Every single demon from your past, present and plausible future starts manifesting in your thoughts. Things that were buried away resurfaces, anger waits to explode, you itch to unleash the evil that you are capable of. Yeah, I’m going to say that you know when negativity builds up. Those are the days when I clean the stones and done deal.

A friend gifted me a book that was titled, does one really need a guru to progress the spiritual path. I’ve not read it yet. The time is not right for me to know it or understand it. As I float though the currents of the universe, without worries or care, I do enjoy the experiences that I’ve been lucky enough to pick. May the skeptic in me never rest. May the believer in me never cease to put up that fight. What are we , if not defined by our conflicts.

Karthik

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2 thoughts on “Wayward wanderer

  1. From being a skeptic believer to a top notch story teller to walk down the spiritual path.. wow, the lynch pins in your life have definitely traversed you to the nook and corners of this multiverse…

    Liked by 1 person

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