Of lions and lambs

“Such arrogance”… An observation would be made and instantaneously be shared. I’m not new to that effect on people. I let the world make what it fancies to make of me. I’ve always stood grounded in realities and limitations of what I can both be and achieve. 
It’s not so surprising that when you stay assured of what you are, there is so little place for insecurities to plague you. Over time, I happily questioned the status quo of what I had become. Not that I detested the eventuality, for once, I could see a better approach to being myself. And so began the conflict for control. 
” So, you’ve finally become the illusion that you created!!!! Life comes full circle” – Shix..
There is immense power to the nature of the company that you keep. I, for one, truly do feel that I’ve been blessed plenty times over. The company that I’ve kept, has always been a strength and a force that has given my delusions wings and also has kept me grounded to my limitations. 
The conversation this morning was a funny one. It was about modesty, something that I always pretend to have and on most days, that faux facade fails miserably. Today’s thought was along the lines of modestly and the way it made me think.
I have a strong suspicion that most of us assume modesty to be a means of self control, a control that is exercised to underplay one’s prowess in order to blend in and fit in. There are skills that we possess, the fine line between having skills and showboating them waltzes into modesty’s humble territory.
Recently, I had to furnish my profile summary to a certain big shot high ranking customer. With renewed faith in modesty, I managed to give life to modest words and I had carefully retired the showmanship that had always defined me. I liked the profile. It was, mundane, sober and yeah, something that the normal Joe and Joan could feel comfortable writing. 
My pride was deflated at a moment’s notice. The review came in swift. I see karthik here. Where is Katz. This doesn’t sound like you Katz, the comments flowed.
Okie dokie. This had now become a battle for survival. Like all normal blokes, I quickly decided to murder my principles and embrace the illusions of marketing. 
The kat was out of the bag. It felt happy to hear that the customer loved it. Reputation salvaged, reputation soaring the skies, principles buried with bones.
The whole exercise made me wonder. What am I? The arm chair philosopher in me questioned. I didn’t have to lie for a job. The only difference that I could note was the way in which I chose to describe the things I’ve accomplished. The things I wanted to taste. In a nutshell, the confidence levels spiked from a 10 on a 10 to 100000000 on a 10. 
What I believed to be the opposite of modesty wasn’t what I had managed to become. Staying humble to me is a firm faith and a firmer understanding of one’s abilities, one’s limitations and knowing what one can do and can’t. 
Arrogance comes from the belief that it’s only I who is capable of getting things done. There is an ocean of space between the islands of modesty, confidence and arrogance. I guess I’m a directionless wanderer in those uncharted waters.
Katz lives another day, Karthik struggles for recognition, and I, I get to learn a thing or two about balancing the forces within my head.
So what’s your take on modesty? Is it all black and white? The modest ones never showboat and hence, noisy wheels get replaced quicker. Or is it the case of if you won’t blow your own trumpet, nobody will know you have a trumpet in your hand. 
The wider question is that does others impression matter at all? If so, what’s the harm in meeting that expectation??? 


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